Pick-Up Lines EreRi AU Oneshot
by diamondmeme
Summary: I'm not even going to attempt to summarize the story so here are the warnings: Rated M for Eren's potty-mouth and suggestive themes. TRIGGER WARNING- PANIC ATTACKS- not 100% certain the accuracy since I have no experience. Please review! word count inaccurate


_Italics = emphasis on words/ onomatopoeia/ thought_ **Bolded = author's notes** Underlined = meme reference **[A/N- there aren't many so don't get your hopes up.]** **EREN'S P.O.V.**

 _Beep!_ _Beep!_ _Beep!_ I roll over and tap my iPhone relentlessly praying I hit 'snooze' an not 'stop'. I roll over to the other side of my bed, hitting my head on the wall. Fuck! I am way too fucking large for this bed god dammit. **[A/N- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]** I lay on my side as I try to get a couple more minutes of sleep. I really _really_ didn't want to function as a person today, but pasta is good, life is SAD. _Beep!_ _Beep!_ _Beep!_ Sighing as I Rolled back over and unplugged and pick up my phone to check instagram. I squinted, as the screen was really fucking bright. I turn the brightness down and unlocked my phone resulting in the alarm finally turning off for the day. I may not look like it, with my amazing fuckboi looks and my beautiful athletic body,-jk- but I happen to own a pretty popular meme account on instagram. Right before i went to bed last night I posted a really generic meme with comics sans and shit but it seemed to be doing pretty well. I locked my phone. With a groan, I roll out of my bed. **[A/N- timeskip b/c I can't write getting ready scenes for shit.]** **Xxxx time skip xxxX**

I hop off the bus, only to fall flat on my face. I hear several snickers behind me. I curse under my breath and get up, trying to wipe off the large dirt stain off my _white_ t-shirt. Well that is just _fucking_ great. I try to find a short mop of raven hair through the crowd of teenagers at Sina High, but to no avail. Sighing, I make my way to my locker. At my locker I get my binder that holds everything I need for my morning classes. My first class is chemistry, which i have with Armin and Marco. I met Armin at his locker and walked with him to class. The class went great, except for the fact that I forgot my homework at home so Ms. Zoë forced to work by myself that day. In other words, it went horrible. Every other class went just as bad that day. Some asshat decided it was funny to steal my jeans after gym class. Likeho cash me ousside howbow dat. I got called on when I wasn't paying attention countless times today, and someone bitch even accidentally slammed her locker door square in the nose! When lunchtime came around, a shred of hope for my day was left. It was a small shred, but it was there. I got in line with this cold noodle I call my friend, Jean, and began to vent. "I wanna fucking jump off a cliff." I started, grabbing some grapes and putting them on my tray. "You and me both Jaeger." he replied as he grabbed an apple. "What's the sitch?" he asked with a smirk. I rolled my eyes. "Nice reference." I grabbed a slice of pepperoni pizza. I inhaled, faced Jean, and complained until I couldn't breathe. I could tell he tuned out halfway, but I've stopped caring at this point. It was Jean's turn to roll his eyes now. "Get over yourself and turn around! Lines moving." I quickly scrambled to move forward in the lunch line. Once I got to the cashier, I was promptly informed I had no money left in my account, and would need to bring more tomorrow or I couldn't get lunch. Jean clearly overheard, for he was snickering in the background. _Well, fuck._ When I entered the main eating area, not only could I not find Levi, but there were no seats! The only open space is against the wall. "Oi, Eren. Your shitty luck is spreading. Go away." Jean demanded, annoyed. More eye-rolling. "I suppose you wanna sit alone then?" I asked, with a mischievous smirk. No reply came from him. "And by the way, my sister won't ever hang out with you if she finds out how rude you always are to me." I grinned triumphantly. Jean's eyebrows furrowed."Fine." Jean claims to have this huge crush on my sister Mikasa, even though him and this dude named Marco are _pretty close. And really touchy._ Plus, Mikasa and Annie are quite fascinated with each other, but they both refuse to admit it. After my late as fuck lunch, I have my last class of the day, history, which taught. And just as my luck is going today, he hates me. I don't really care though, cause' I hate him, too. He is always staring creepily at Levi. Correction, at his _ass._ Like, look. I know that it is definitely a great ass. But you're our fucking _teacher. Calm yourself, eyebrows._ **[A/N- timeskip to after class, because, again, I'm lazy af. ALSO TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD THIS IS A TRIGGER WARNING THIS HAS BEEN A P.S.A. ]** Today, we got our quizzes from last week back. I already knew I wasn't gonna do so hot, since history is my worst subject, but I didn't expect to _completely and utterly fail._ What even is my life anymore?! I can't even blame it eyebrows entirely, cause' he only gave me one negative petty point. I really wanted to cry in a corner. Then I felt a sudden pang in my chest. _Panic attack._

My father. I failed. Only whatever gods are up there know what he'll do to me this time. I can only pray for my life if he finds out about my grade. Ever since my mother died, my dad has been doing everything in his power to make my life a living hell. Desperately searching for the only person that can calm me down in a crowd of people, I begin to lose hope. _Help!_ The fact that I haven't even seen Levi all day had me even more scared. Did something happen to him? Is he okay? _Levi!_ I'm trying to walk, but I'm paralyzed. I need somebody to help me. Where is Levi? What will my father do when he finds out? Please, somebody, anybody! Help me! Armin! Mikasa! Fucking _Jean_! I see little black dots forming at the corners of my eyes. I'm going to pass out. _I can't breathe!_ But nobody has even noticed whats going on. Or so I thought. Suddenly I felt a strong, but slender arm snake around my waist from behind me. Then I felt a calloused hand grab my hand that I didn't even realize I had clutched to my chest. "Breathe." cooed his voice. Suddenly, I could feel my airways open and I began gasping for air. Coughing, I turned around to see my savior, the one and only Levi Ackerman. "Levi!" I gasped, throwing myself in his welcoming arms. _Thank god you're here._ "Shh, it's okay. I'm here now." he said, rubbing soothing circles on my back. Unknown to myself, Levi had managed to walk us outside. Very slowly, so it took enough time that by the time we were outside I had almost completely calmed down. Suddenly, I got very upset with Levi. "Where were you all day?" I choked. "You had me worried sick!" I don't carry how clingy and unreasonable I sounded. I felt like a bird with broken wings, and he wasn't there. Levi made no attempt to hide his surprised expression on his usually stoic face at my sudden outburst. His face softened. "Eren, I'm so so _so sorry._ I was helping out at the elementary school and I forgot to tell you. I'm so sorry!" Levi exclaimed. I mentally scolded myself. I didn't mean to (attempt) yell at Levi. "Sorry I didn't mean to snap at you." I mumbled, feeling guilty. I could feel tears threatening to spill. "Don't apologize! You are not at fault here. Don't beat yourself up. Wanna tell me what happened?" Levi cooed. That's when the tears spilled. I told him everything, trying to articulate my words through my gross sobbing. Once I was done, Levi kissed me. I kissed back, immediately felt relaxed when his soft lips touched mine. Once we pulled apart for air, Levi spoke. "I love you." Levi stated simply. "You know that, right?" he questioned, looking at me seriously. I nodded. "I love you, too, Levi." I spoke with the most confidence I had all day. Levi nodded. "Good." Levi replied, with a small smile. "I'll help you the best I can with your dad situation. Is there anything else I can do in the meantime?" he pressed. I smiled, at the memory of what made me start falling for him in the first place. "Got any good pick-up lines?" I asked, with a large grin. He thought for a second, squinting. Then he cleared his throat. With a cheeky smile, he said "Basketball positions aren't the only positions I can copy perfectly." **[A/N- not an original joke.]** I snorted, and kissed him. **~fin~**  
 **Total word count: 1,535**


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